Monday, May 3, 2010

123:365

------> photo by Elaine A. Russell


...today has been a strange day...
... I can hardly move from my travels about on Saturday...

I was talking to my mother last night about how it was probably time for her to get full-time hospice help for the care of my dad. He is sleeping most of the time, but has very brief episodes of alertness. Most of the time he is confused; be it because of the medicine or because of his disease process... I am not sure. She was hesitating because she really wanted to keep dad home for as long as humanly possible, and she felt like she had to try to keep up with it all... but it has quickly become very overwhelming.

Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, my dad actually got up and tried to walk to the bathroom... but fell. Mom could not get him up, and dad did not have enough cognition at that point to help at all. She called the ambulance; and he is now in the hospital getting hospice care.

And so... I am having a dilemma... and I feel full of guilt. I feel like I should be there to help... but realistically, I fear that I haven't the money or the stamina to go again at this point.