Tuesday, June 10, 2014

6-10-14


I've been thinking about this post for over a week now... and I am finding it still fairly impossible to write.
I feel like these past 6 months or so (since our move to PA)... I have been floundering a bit.
I feel like I have been running in circles... trying to balance work and play...
Trying to reconcile myself to expectations of me working full time; and knowing full well;
that that was really beyond what I am capable of doing on a physical level.
Trying to appease the inner and outer voices telling me to suck it up and get a real job...
and yet, feeling like an abject failure for not continuing the pursuit of my art-life...
which truly felt like a part of me was dying a slow and very painful death.
It's a hard thing.
I felt like I had to get full-time work.... but every time I would pursue any semblance of a work-week...
I was completely exhausted and there was not time for me... or my family... let alone my art.
It was all re-coup... in order to work again.
And so I would try harder. And harder. I found myself getting behind in everything.
Not doing well at anything.... and certainly not succeeding in any part of my life.
As an example; right now, I have a "to do list" that is 4 pages in length.
Running... running.
Circles.

It is time to get off that merry-go-round.... and go on a ride I enjoy.
...tune in tomorrow.