Tuesday, July 15, 2014

7-15-14


I moved back to PA in October.
I had some odd jobs... and then had a temp job for Jan-Feb-March.
In April I got a part time job working at the junk shop.
I have learned an awful lot from these jobs... not the least of which is about myself:

- I am NOT a morning person. I always knew that, but it is now a proven fact.
- I do not want to have to take boards again. Which means, I am not going back to being an RN.
- so what have I done besides nursing? I waitress-ed, I cooked and cleaned for people, I worked as an organizer, I worked security, I worked in a floral shop. I even once sold chain saws. I've sold online for over 15yrs. I've worked as a photographer since 1986. I've given art/jewelry/ craft classes. I worked in a gallery.
- I am not suited to most 9-5 minimum wage jobs.... for many reasons, not the least of which is my systemic lupus; and having some chronic health issues that sometimes prevent me from working a steady work-week.
- Therefore, I am better suited for the "unusual, the odd hours, the more flexible" kind of job.
- Unfortunately, a lot of jobs that fall into this category ... can be illegal, immoral, paid under the table... slightly off center... kind of work... that usually doesn't pay well.
- and... (and certainly not the least of the reasons)... having been self-employed for 10yrs; I am very independent, self-motivated, and much more suited to being my own boss.

But I had it in my head that I had to get a "real" job.
Partly, because I had several people in my life telling me that; and after so long; you begin to believe them...
and partly, because as an artist; that whole "self-doubt" thing creeps in and you think you can't survive on your artwork, you think it has less value, and you feel like you have to settle for the "status quo"... the regular, the dependable, the secure.

Not that there is anything wrong with having a dependable, secure, job.... but I was slowly but surely dying in mine.
I liked the job, and I liked the people I was working with... but there is only so much you can do in a situation that sucks.
And so I quit. Today.
Well, technically, I told my manager on Sunday, and again when I saw him yesterday... and still not being able to get a hold of my boss... I told my manager again today.
I am done.

What (are you all saying) will you do for money?
I have no idea.
My husband is unemployed; and working very hard writing a book.
I believe it will be a success... but it is a work in progress.

But I am (radically)... and perhaps foolishly... stepping out in a massive LEAP OF FAITH.
I am going to work on building my own business.
Not unlike my art business that I had in Albuquerque... but hopefully, on a full-time, balls-to-the-wall level.
And without the benefit of relying on my husband's steady income.... which he no longer has.
It is a HUGE step, and not one I am taking lightly... but I know without a shadow of a doubt that it's the right thing to do.